so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
