Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
