i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
