i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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