Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
