ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
