Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Farmville is her only friend.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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