we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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