I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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