If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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