mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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