He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize