This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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