I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
