$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you made out with another girl for some wings
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize