i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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