So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
