I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
