Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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