My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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