Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize