my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
