some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
