rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
