I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
