WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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