I hope mine doesn't look like that
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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