Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
