I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
