im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize