if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
