The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
