remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
