Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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