Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize