I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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