there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
