I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
