i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
