I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
