none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize