My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
