i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
