pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
