I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
