She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
