Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
