What a fucking waste of an outfit
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
