I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
