I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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