Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
