There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
