Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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