I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize