It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
