dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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