I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
