I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
