when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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