just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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