I hate your face
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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