I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
