That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
