You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
